Well..it's official. Today, after back and forth conversations between ourselves, God, prayerful friends, and professionals, we've made the final decision to move on from the place we've called home for the past year. In many ways it's a relief, yet we can't help but feel we've been living a dream.
The property..the VIEW! MY front porch! It's been spectacular. And even as we were coming into our final decision about leaving, I found myself whining to the kids in a pathetic voice of disbelief..."but just look at it...look out the window...just how do we leave this?"
In turn, my oldest, (not having had the same love and affection for living in the middle of sticks), took a gaze out the window, shrugged, and looked back to me smugly.
"What...what's the big deal Mom? It's just green and brown...I can go use the bathroom and create the exact same scene."
...Because he's 15 and thinks he lightens the mood with smug, gross humor, while effectively rousing his Mama. And well..because I occasionally fall for it and usually laugh, and because not all moms are fully mature by their mid-forties, he's lucky when the ridiculousness catches just right and charms me...today it did.
But moving is hard on me..every time it's hard. I don't like it...but we have to. Without getting into all our reasons, I'll just say; sometimes what seems perfect and beautiful, and everything you ever wanted, comes with hidden, very costly issues. I hesitate to call it our dream home, because really...
Was it ever really OURS? Is this the HOME we should be longing or dreaming of?
Was it ever really OURS? Is this the HOME we should be longing or dreaming of?
The original desire of my heart was to have trees; nature and tranquility for our family, and guests to enjoy. Once we were all moved in we knew God had given us abundantly and exceedingly far more than we knew to ask or imagine...much much more. Ha! How I wished we could give some back.
Unfortunately this home had undergone a rebuild after a house fire, and although we were aware of this, we paid no attention to how neglected it had been in many other capacities. It simply would not be God's best for us to try to hold onto something so beautiful for the sake of being house poor. And trust me..we thought long and hard about it.
It seems ridiculous to grieve a house you've only had one year to get attached to, and I don't plan on doing it for long, but today I'll let it sink in a little.
Sometimes I think God gives us exactly what we want, just to see what we will do with it.
If I'm going to be honest, we've learned a great many lessons this past year about where we can be tempted to "lay up our treasures." Scripture is indeed true about "moths and rust that most certainly destroy"...AND bats, AND carpenter bees, AND mold..and
well, I digress.
We're preparing our hearts for the next place God has for us, looking forward to settling in for as long as He has us there. For now, with limited foresight, we shop locally for simple affordable homes.
I still wish to see green and brown when I look out a window, but ready as ever to find contentment with much less to make room for much more. Forever we will remember that one year we lived in a log home...How our friends teased us for buying a bed and breakfast, and how God brought to light what we needed to know at just the right time to see our flashing exit.
I've thanked you God, many times for letting us live here. But today, MY front porch goes back into YOUR great hands..the rightful owner..the giver of ALL things under the sun. I thank you again for what you have allowed and entrusted to us. The next scene is yours.
