Your Roots are Showing

It had been several months since I had bothered to make a hair appointment. I knew my roots had been getting out of hand, but being in a season of busy, and well..summer, I decided I wouldn't let it bother me too much. After all, there ARE such things as hats and head wraps for people like me; ya know...the ashy and gray, going for the 3 incher dirty look. 

At one point it had gotten so bad, I ended up having a dream that my stylist had shown up at my work with foils in her hand, going after my hair, telling me I had missed my appointment. Lol! Never have I had a prompting to get my hair done before, so clearly it was time. 

A week or so later she got me in to work her magic and I began looking like a new woman. Without  saying too much about how long it had been or how bad my roots were, she simply just said.."well at least roots are "in" right now." 

We both chuckled, and then she said, "See, look at mine...I have roots." With which I replied, "Those aren't roots...those are "intentional" roots!” Meaning, the kind where you apply a rich dark color to perfectly contrast with the rest of the unneglected color scheme throughout. To which she knowingly smiled in agreement, "Yes, intentional roots." 

Fast forward to this morning as I hit the woods for my typical hike on familiar trails. No new ground laid, about the same distance every time..except I always try to combine this time with Jesus who always wants to bring something new. You could say that I've come expectant on these trails, mostly for God and maybe wishful for the bod.

Whether I'm praying or listening to a podcast, I try to stay alert to my surroundings, for safety.. yes, but also because of the beauty I don't want to miss. However, the trail itself can also have its hazards, no matter how familiar, and I've certainly tripped or had my fair share of falls. 

This morning was no exception, only this time God would make me keenly aware of what was going on in my mind while my feet were Fred Flinstoning their way to my safety. A save! Whew..that could have been messy! Thanks God.

When I turned around to find the culprit, I wasn't much surprised to see a huge tree root sticking up from the ground. 

I've stumbled over plenty before, and usually take careful steps to avoid getting caught.

But as I carried on down the trail I kept thinking about "deep roots.” These trees, every single one of them, very large and vibrant with life; their roots clearly running deep and deeper still. Yet the truth about deep roots is that they also run very wide. 

And as wind, and rain, and friction make their way through, these wide twisting roots become increasingly exposed. 

I thought about how I felt during my tripping episode...(truly I'm talking about seconds here), and realized the very first thought that had fell into my mind.

 “Omg...who can see me?” 

Isn't that funny? I mean...I'm sure it looked very funny, but pride. Instant pride. In the middle of the woods. Alone. Not.. “Who’s going to save me when I die?” Trying to gain control over over my body to avoid a face plant, and all I can think of is how foolish I look.

What a recovery though! Wow..dodged that bullet...carrying on. 

Picturing all this, I giggled and said, “Lord, what would you have me know about stumbling over deep roots?” 

Immediately I began to think of my friendships and the ones I have yet to meet. 

Scripture tells us to be deeply rooted in Him..strengthened in the faith; that we are already rooted and established in love. HIS love. 

So what on earth? Obviously all good stuff comes from deep roots. In fact, I have plenty of friends who I would call deeply rooted in the Lord and I love and appreciate them all.

 So if their deep roots were to also be exposed, I'd automatically be happy for them, right? How would that make me stumble or quite possibly fall on my face?

Certainly I wouldn't want to think that I'd be that type of friend. Surely I can possibly be just as rooted as them, right? But in broken areas of my heart..the way I respond to certain people, the way I care too much about what people think, the way I avoid being real about this topic or that; somehow there are places where my gray dark roots run about 3 inches deep. I know it's not cute, and obviously my friend over there has those intentional deep roots in my weak area..Hat goes on.

But when deep roots are exposed, so are we. We can keep our relationships at arms length and carefully tip toe around our insecurities and struggles, but eventually when we least expect it, we trip on each other's love roots. 

Why? 

Because we need them so desperately; we need to see Him so clearly. And if we land on our face, we will hope someone sees us. 

Lord..Jesus! Show us those areas we are spinning our wheels to stay upright; where we think we look ridiculous and can't seem to gain ground. 

Our diets, harsh talk, impure thoughts, jealousy, anger, distrust, insecurity, lack of self discipline...

Lord let us get close enough to trip over the exposed roots of our friends; to have the relationships you need us connected to. 

Let us take off our head wraps and look foolish for your glory so that our established roots may spread wide enough to be exposed, and weathered enough to catch somebody! 

The Next Scene

  Well..it's official. Today, after back and forth conversations between ourselves, God, prayerful friends, and professionals, we've made the final decision to move on from the place we've called home for the past year. In many ways it's a relief, yet we can't help but feel we've been living a dream. 

  The property..the VIEW! MY front porch! It's been spectacular. And even as we were coming into our final decision about leaving, I found myself whining to the kids in a pathetic voice of disbelief..."but just look at it...look out the window...just how do we leave this?" 

In turn, my oldest, (not having had the same love and affection for living in the middle of sticks), took a gaze out the window, shrugged, and looked back to me smugly. 

  "What...what's the big deal Mom? It's just green and brown...I can go use the bathroom and create the exact same scene." 

...Because he's 15 and thinks he lightens the mood with smug, gross humor, while effectively rousing his Mama. And well..because I occasionally fall for it and usually laugh, and because not all moms are fully mature by their mid-forties, he's lucky when the ridiculousness catches just right and charms me...today it did. 

  But moving is hard on me..every time it's hard. I don't like it...but we have to. Without getting into all our reasons, I'll just say; sometimes what seems perfect and beautiful, and everything you ever wanted, comes with hidden, very costly issues. I hesitate to call it our dream home, because really...

Was it ever really OURS? Is this the HOME we should be longing or dreaming of?

  The original desire of my heart was to have trees; nature and tranquility for our family, and guests to enjoy. Once we were all moved in we knew God had given us abundantly and exceedingly far more than we knew to ask or imagine...much much more. Ha! How I wished we could give some back. 

  Unfortunately this home had undergone a rebuild after a house fire, and although we were aware of this, we paid no attention to how neglected it had been in many other capacities. It simply would not be God's best for us to try to hold onto something so beautiful for the sake of being house poor. And trust me..we thought long and hard about it. 

  It seems ridiculous to grieve a house you've only had one year to get attached to, and I don't plan on doing it for long, but today I'll let it sink in a little. 

  Sometimes I think God gives us exactly what we want, just to see what we will do with it. 

  If I'm going to be honest, we've learned a great many lessons this past year about where we can be tempted to "lay up our treasures." Scripture is indeed true about "moths and rust that most certainly destroy"...AND bats, AND carpenter bees, AND mold..and 

well, I digress.  

  We're preparing our hearts for the next place God has for us, looking forward to settling in for as long as He has us there. For now, with limited foresight, we shop locally for simple affordable homes.

I still wish to see green and brown when I look out a window, but ready as ever to find contentment with much less to make room for much more. Forever we will remember that one year we lived in a log home...How our friends teased us for buying a bed and breakfast, and how God brought to light what we needed to know at just the right time to see our flashing exit. 

  I've thanked you God, many times for letting us live here. But today, MY front porch goes back into YOUR great hands..the rightful owner..the giver of ALL things under the sun. I thank you again for what you have allowed and entrusted to us. The next scene is yours. 

Just a Smidgen

Cleaning up my kitchen, preparing to bake, and it caught my eye. I've known it was there...always packed with miscellaneous notebooks, cards, tape, clips, coupons, things that don't have a place. An extension of my junk drawer really, in a home with few closets, run by a woman with little organizational skills. 

While reaching for some flour I stopped and stared at such an odd thing. I smiled, went back to making my banana bread, and then stopped to look once more. As I was spacing off smiling, the Spirit fell on me and I began to weep. 

It's only a silly plastic beach bag filled with a bunch of junk...Geez Tiff! 

Yea I know, that's what my mind was saying too. My initial smile at first glance was only a response to the amazement I had for having hung onto such a thing for so so long. As well as the questions, "Why?" and "How on earth?" floating about my thoughts. Who knew I'd give this goofy thing a purpose that would last into my mid-forties and beyond.

 Little had I let myself realize how treasured it actually was...sturdy yes, but special?

Around the time my second gaze took me over, I started remembering the moment this bag was given to me. It was the summer after 7th grade. My 13 year old under developed, awkward self had been invited on a family vacation with my neighborhood best friend. I mention under developed only because her family had nicknamed me Zipper, since they said when I stood sideways and stuck out my tongue I looked just like a zipper. Probably inappropriate humor toward a middle school guest, but it was funny. And for a girl with a broken, inattentive home, it felt like love. 

Their family had planned a two week camping trip from where we lived in Kansas, making stops through Missouri and Arkansas. It was probably the last time I'd be spending time with this family, since most of our home was already packed up, preparing for a move soon after my return. 

At the time, my mother lived in Nebraska, where myself and 3 siblings used to live before the divorce a year and half prior. There was about to be a custody battle, and it didn't look good for my Dad who had moved all four of us kids out of State; leaving him little choice but to return. It had been hard for all of us living 8 hours away from our mother, but can only speak for myself when I say those years had also made my heart very very hard. If not for my friend's family accepting me practically as their own, I would have been far more lost than I already was. I didn't know the Lord, neither did my friend or her family, but they must have known more about my situation than I ever let on. 

I can't recall how well I knew to pack for this trip, but as I was saying my goodbyes to my Dad, loading my items into the camper, my friend handed me this fun little mesh bag filled with goodies and the mini toiletries. I would need these items for the campground shower houses I had no understanding to prepare for.

The very thought that her mom had shopped for me, just like she did the rest of her children, somehow came flooding over me while I stood there in my kitchen, remembering how loved I felt in that smidgen of a moment. 

In an instant I saw God all over me in those days, making sure I was protected, loved and well thought of, through a family who just invited me along...or should I say, bravely invited me along. 

I ended up having a severe asthma attack on that trip, nearly ending my earthly life. I had lost consciousness and can't remember much of the details surrounding this traumatizing event; but can tell you for certain, this family will NEVER ever forget ME! 

As much as I've tried not to recall much of what went on during those years, astonishingly God still thinks of me too.

 So much so, He reached out to heal me, in the middle of banana bread, all these years later; reminding me of His pure goodness and hand on me all throughout my life, even while I didn't know Him.

Maybe you're getting stirred in your heart reading this, being reminded of a time in your own story where you felt unseen or that your needs had gone unmet...maybe it's something so long ago that it wouldn't seem to matter now. You've made peace with it and moved on. It is what it is. 

But what if God has a different truth for you? 

Will you let Him have his way with that space to restore you...even if it's just one little piece? 

How beautiful the unforced ways Christ uses to restore us, one smidgen at a time, freeing up our junk drawer for His original purpose.

Deuteronomy 30:

3 God, your God, will restore everything you lost; he'll have compassion on you; he'll come back and pick up the pieces from all the places where you were scattered. 4 No matter how far away you end up, God, your God, will get you out 6 God, your God, will cut away the thick calluses on your heart and your children's hearts, freeing you to love God, your God, with your whole heart and soul and live, really live.

Unhidden

It was up until about a month ago, I had spent a few months in what could only be described as a spiritually "dry" unmomentumous (my made-up word) place in my life. A "funk" is what I was calling it. I wasn't faithless or pushing God away, just bummed out, unsatisfied, and disappointed about many things. I began to see, even at the time, God was simply just closing doors (without any view of an open one), yet complacency began to take over my heart.

I tried my best to share this with friends closest to me, and because of my usual nature, it wasn't anything they hadn't already pick up on. They knew to pray for and check in on me, offering wisdom where they could, and I knew to force myself to stay in community and service, even while it seemed everything I did felt forced and ineffective. Not a blessing at all!

Anyone ever been in this place?

I mean you know it's not good, you trust it's just for a season...and you dare not confess depression over yourself, but for me...I just didn't feel like fighting back. When God moves..I will too, or so I thought.

I found out yesterday, one of my close friends, who had been in a similar "funk" at the same time as mine, had seen me in my struggle. But even months prior to this, (which she shared with me yesterday) the Lord had showed her two people in our church (that neither of us knew well) that I would need to be in contact with. She never told me this, only prayed that God would make that happen.

She further shared that when we both fell into our funks, she was so upset because she wanted to be the one to come along side to lift me. But knowing she wasn't in a good state to do that, she began interceding on my behalf about these other two women coming forth for me as God had shown her months prior.

Meanwhile, without my having knowledge about any of this, one of those women contacted myself and the other exact person because God had placed us on her heart to meet for prayerful vision.

This began a refreshment in my Spirit that I hadn't had for..truthfully I don't know how long; well before I would have conceded to "funkfulness" or "unmomentumous" or any other made up word I could have used to cover up what God was trying to do for the great refreshment of His Spirit He had for me.

 And not just for me...EVERY person who feels like they must be missing something or should be fighting back, not worthy of hearing from God; feeling like NOTHING you do seems like enough.

Oh how we are never lost from His sight! Oh how He uses the most selfless of brothers and sisters to stand in the gap for us even while they too are low!

And oh how inspired I am today, to realize at no place in our walk of strength or weakness are we not being used and called according to His purpose as we keep our trust fully in Him. He has already connected the dots and His yolk is easy...we are not doing it wrong!!! Praise you Jesus!!! Let us anticipate your outpouring!